It's Just a start.....

The rain is cold and heavy crashing down on my helpless body. I watch the water drops play tag on my arms as a puddle is made underneath me. Up above me, the clouds are moving rapidly past one another, like it's a race in the sky. I watch one of them, rooting for it to win, wishing that it's me escaping this day. I know how simple it would be to run, run far away from this place, out of this town, into a new place full of new faces and dreams. I'd be away from all the wrong things in my life, free and happy all on my own. I stare past me, far into the woods, darting my eyes at space that is calling me forward. It taunts me, telling me to run. I think about it hard , thoroughly considering it, but my body won't move. I lay there against the rough wood, not ready to move yet. Or maybe I am, but my mind is telling me to stay. It tells me he won't get away with this anymore, I just have to stop him. And I realize I can't run, as easy as my opportunity is.

I knew what it would be, how he would feel if I leave. It would be of accomplishment, in his ratty old cowboy hat. Ma would ask where I am, as she rolls in past dawn from her long shift at work. In his usual seat with a beer in hand, he'd tell her I hadn't come home from school and that I'm not going to come back. He'd whisper to her that it was going to okay, better this way, as he touched her lower back. She'd cry into his shoulder, while a wicked smile crept upon his face. I cringed at the thought of him lying to ma, her so gullible and fragile. He'd wrap his strong arms around her, half stumbling, carrying her tired body into bed. The bed that was used just earlier that day. I couldn't leave her, I wouldn't hurt her. I would make sure she left with me, though I'm sure she never would. This meant I would never leave, along with a secret that made me cry myself to sleep each night.

I sluggishly move out of the quietness into the place that usually made me feel at home. The rain had stopped by then, causing the sun to peak through a layer of cloud. People were already out, riding their bikes or on their cameras, with their loved ones; with their family. I watched all their faces buzz around me, some familiar, some new. I was curious if they recognized me, smiling back a hello instead of a random glance. I had a random urge to go play with the little girl in the sandbox, hoping that I could go back to that age. As if experiencing it again could magically take me back to the simple days when the secrets you kept were about stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. The permanent smile that spread on her face when her mom came to join her, made my heart ache. Ma and I were just like that. She'd spend the weekend with me, blowing bubbles and creating chalk monsters. Sometimes, she'd even take off work, just to take me to the park, sharing an oversized waffle cone that made our hands sticky. Those moments were what I remember most, before he came into our life. After that, nothing but bad memories I've kept. I look again at my surroundings, seeing all these happy humans wondering what it could feel like in their shoes. As the wonderful thoughts blurred through my head, I heard a noise. Suddenly the thoughts vanished, bringing me back to the sad reality of life.

My direction turns, following the music that drags me closer. I am a magnet being drawn to metal. The music is faint, distant, and beautiful. As I get closer, I hear the whisper of a male singing along with the music. The voice is deep and low; low enough for only a perfect listener to hear. Even when I know I should turn around, I follow my instincts; I follow the music that pierces my ear with a melody so lovely. I am right here, staring down at a black beanie and a completion that radiated. He couldn’t see me as I watched him, this person playing music that was almost too good. The song was nothing I had heard before; those lyrics too complex. Though I most heard mumbling I caught a few words. Something along the lines of, “I got lost in you... in your eyes, in your mind. You found me when no one tried… helped me back to life…Like the Angel you are.” I only heard bits and pieces, but that was what really caught my attention. I longed to know who was this angel of his. Was it even a person he knows, or is it merely an object to write about? Did he write the song, or is it just a song I haven't heard before. Most of all, I want to know who he is. I'm drawn to a near perfect stranger that has no idea I'm even here; or so I thought. The melody stops then, as I open my eyes to see another set of eyes on me. They are dark and full of curiosity. I can't tell if he is mad that I am intruding, or if he is just shocked that someone is here. I didn't think any of those things, instead I surprise myself with my forwardness.
"Um..Hi. I, Can I sit hear? I won't bother you. I just want to listen to the music."
I had no idea what this would mean sitting with this stranger. It could be dangerous, but It was a risk I was willing to take. My day couldn't get any worse. I went for it, feeling on top of the world, even if It were just for a second.
"Yeah....sure."

We don't say anything. He plays more, while I listen. And we both don't mind; I can tell. I feel at peace, while his music rushes through me. I realize, somewhere in the midst of it all, this is what I had wanted all along. He doesn't pressure me for an answer that I'm just not ready to answer. I need someone to be there, but not be there. No one is here pestering me about the bruises that pose off my pale neck. No one is here giving me looks that make me want to disappear. Someone was here, though, and that's what makes me relax for just a bit. I have the choice to address myself then, as he stops playing and looks up for the first time since he let me sit here. We both don't speak, instead I soak up the silence that is finally a nice kind of quiet. I look over at him, and catch his eyes observing me. My eyes glue to his, and my breathing becomes weak. His eyes compare to autumn; reds, oranges, and yellow mixing into one. They remind me of no ones, like he is the only soul who has eyes that could shine so bright. They felt warm, happy, until you look through the core. I see sadness, worry, in them and I want to know why. He notices me watching him, I assume, because he smiles at me and sends me into a weaker state of mind. I smile back wondering what he was thinking as he starts playing again. We spend the rest of the evening like that, watching the sun go down together.

He's yelling at me as I walk in the door. Sitting in the same place he was before I left, he's saying that I'm ignorant and a nothing. The harsh words that spill from his mouth are like swords stabbing me repeatedly in the heart. I tell him I'm sorry over and over, but he continues. He dares get up, eying me completely. I glance out the window in hope of ma being home. I can picture her driving up as he inches closer, hands ready, as she bursts through the door. I could prove to her that the scars aren't just from falling. They're more; more hurtful, more pain. If only she knew, surely she wouldn't want to stay here. We could be free from him and everything else. I process in my mind what it would be like to walk along the shoreline with her by my side. We would be free like the birds that fly over. Over our heads and into the clear blue sky, They're ready to soar the world. Like the birds, Ma and I could be that way. She doesn't come home, as I'm held there spending another night with him, and all I can ever do is pray that it will be over soon so I can drown the tears in a sleep filled night.

If only she knew.

It's the start of this story I'm working on.
Tell me what you think.
cool. (: